I sympathize with this speaker's sadness. I think we all feel a bit upset when something good comes to an end and we have to face the responsibilities of day to day life. My main suggestion to you is to think about how this could have played out in a particular scene, rather than a string of thoughts. One way to approach this would be to describe more the things around you--what did you do on the last day of summer? Who were you with? What does summer feel like, and what does an ending feel like? How might you contrast the comfort of home with the discomfort of a classroom or a job? Keep your reader/viewer always in mind and deal in the specific moment, rather than in the thoughts you might have. You can use sensory details and description to make the writing come to life. Images here seemed appropriate, though is a bit of "say and see," (the image exactly matching the text). A good effort overall.
Dear JeanCarlo,
ReplyDeleteI sympathize with this speaker's sadness. I think we all feel a bit upset when something good comes to an end and we have to face the responsibilities of day to day life. My main suggestion to you is to think about how this could have played out in a particular scene, rather than a string of thoughts. One way to approach this would be to describe more the things around you--what did you do on the last day of summer? Who were you with? What does summer feel like, and what does an ending feel like? How might you contrast the comfort of home with the discomfort of a classroom or a job? Keep your reader/viewer always in mind and deal in the specific moment, rather than in the thoughts you might have. You can use sensory details and description to make the writing come to life. Images here seemed appropriate, though is a bit of "say and see," (the image exactly matching the text). A good effort overall.